Eli hesitated, torn. She wanted to go back there, to believe that there was room for her; and not just on the sofa. She wanted to have a place... to belong... more than anything else in the world.
But did she really have a place? Was there really room for her? She clearly didn't fit. She clearly didn't understand him. Because he was a boy, or because of this place? She wasn't sure.
She felt like that little girl again on her first day in a new school, she felt like she had shown up in pants and had to choose... wear a skirt and have a place or stay in pants and sit with Andrea... Alone with her, unpopular. Alone.
Eli would put that skirt on again. Every time. Any time. The choice was obvious to her now, and it had been then. Except in this case she had no clue which option was the skirt. Though the thought that the guy might be the skirt amused her enough to take the edge off her fear, to break the paralysis.
"Al... alright..." The clone said, and Eli hated that the clone was showing any of her nerves at all. "But no more laughing at me," she had the clone say, shocked at her own temerity. How could she expect to fit in anywhere if she set down conditions.
In her room she was banging her head softly into the wall, calling herself all sorts of names. Idiot was the primary one. And he hadn't even laughed. Not really. He had only implied that she was an idiot worth his scorn, he hadn't actually said it.
Why did she have to have a power like cloning herself? Why couldn't she have something better, like a power to undo the last thing she had just said, or a power to just... have a place? To just have friends again?
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But did she really have a place? Was there really room for her? She clearly didn't fit. She clearly didn't understand him. Because he was a boy, or because of this place? She wasn't sure.
She felt like that little girl again on her first day in a new school, she felt like she had shown up in pants and had to choose... wear a skirt and have a place or stay in pants and sit with Andrea... Alone with her, unpopular. Alone.
Eli would put that skirt on again. Every time. Any time. The choice was obvious to her now, and it had been then. Except in this case she had no clue which option was the skirt. Though the thought that the guy might be the skirt amused her enough to take the edge off her fear, to break the paralysis.
"Al... alright..." The clone said, and Eli hated that the clone was showing any of her nerves at all. "But no more laughing at me," she had the clone say, shocked at her own temerity. How could she expect to fit in anywhere if she set down conditions.
In her room she was banging her head softly into the wall, calling herself all sorts of names. Idiot was the primary one. And he hadn't even laughed. Not really. He had only implied that she was an idiot worth his scorn, he hadn't actually said it.
Why did she have to have a power like cloning herself? Why couldn't she have something better, like a power to undo the last thing she had just said, or a power to just... have a place? To just have friends again?