You waltz right in the door, just like you've done before [CLOSED]

[niepokonany]

WHO: Sparklemotion Team Dumb Blonds Fai (comparative_insanity) and Feliks (niepokonany)
WHAT: Cuddles and comfort, even if Fai isn't actually exactly sure why.
WHERE: Feliks's room
WHEN: After this thread, the afternoon of the 17th.
WARNING(S): Ship tease for the ship tease god! UST for the UST throne! (Also: Possible mild swearing, possible vague discussion of sex, etc? Nothing too serious or too particular, I should think.)


Well, that had been a bit of a disaster.

It wasn't like Feliks was a negative person by nature -- to the contrary, the relentlessness of his positivity in most matters was honestly a little grating to a lot of people. It was really just this one thing that had been dragging him down since he came back to school.

You'd think he'd be used to it, by now. It wasn't like he hadn't put up with six years of watching everyone else in the world get their chance with Fai when he'd already thrown away the closest thing he'd gotten to one long ago. It wasn't like Fai didn't have every right to do whatever he liked with whoever he liked, it just... It just hurt. It hurt to see him flirting with every pretty face that wandered through the school, and it hurt to be alone when Fai was off with whoever had caught his eye that day, and the whole thing was just dumb and painful and sort of made him wish he could just swear off love entirely and be done with it.

And what was Madamoiselle Desrosier's game, even? It was one thing to hook up with Fai -- who hadn't at this rate, right? -- but what did she get out of rubbing his face in it like that? Did she really need to lord it over him?

There was clearly only one answer, and that answer was ice cream. The kind with the brownies and cheesecake in it, and also a blanket-cave, his fluffiest, warmest pajamas, and videos of cute baby animals on his phone.

Comments

[comparative_insanity]

Fai, on the other hand, had no idea what had transpired between Christelle and Feliks. Had he known, and had he really understood it, he would probably have been pretty furious with her. It was one thing, perhaps, to try to push Feliks into admitting his feelings, though honestly that wasn't very nice either. But to do it in such a way, more or less grinding salt into wounds already sore... well, it came very close to idle cruelty.

In a way Fai understood Christelle very well in her mode of motivations and reasoning, and there were times in his life when he'd been both unfair and spiteful, or simply stunningly careless with people's feelings, but never so for his own amusement. That was something he couldn't wrap his mind around.

No, the reason he was waiting in Feliks's room, already with ice cream and half a blanket fort ready, had more to do with himself and the resignation associated with nipping a fledgling relationship in the bud, because there were some things even Fai could see would go nowhere fast. But that was forgotten the moment Feliks stepped through the door with that look on his face. He bounced to his feet, scattering a bunch of fashion and science magazines he had been entertaining himself with, rushing over to his best friend and wrapping his arms around him without a single word. Only after he had held him a little while did he think to ask.

"What happened, honey?"

[niepokonany]

How did Fai always know something was wrong before he could even say a single word? How did he never know what?

Feliks couldn't help folding into his arms, kicking the door shut behind him and leaning his head on Fai's shoulder like a ship coming to the dock, instantly comforted by his touch even as he struggled with what to say to him.

He would have to lie, of course. He was terrible at lying -- hated doing it -- but how else was he supposed to stop Fai from worrying, or even worse, from finding out? As much as he'd have liked to mess things up for Christelle right in that moment, she knew, and what was he supposed to say if she told Fai?

"Weird way to ask how my day was, gorgeous. Nothing happened, just like some classes and stuff!"

[comparative_insanity]

Fai didn't tense up as Feliks blatantly lied to him, because he was just that good of forcing himself not to react in such obvious ways. Even the best friends could sometimes hide things from each other, and that was okay. The fact that the few times it happened, Fai's heart turned into a mess of hurt, confusion, jealousy - was there anyone else he was telling? - worry and the urge to beg Feliks for the truth... well, that was no one's problem but his own. He knew how easy it was to let your insecurities turn you into a controlling asshole, because he'd been on the receiving end of that. Feliks didn't need that shit, especially from his best friend.

"It's okay. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." He leaned back to smile fondly down at Feliks so that he'd see that Fai meant it, that he wasn't trying to be passive aggressive. Then he leaned in to press his lips against Feliks' forehead, running one hand gently through his hair. "But I will always listen if you ever do, okay? Either way, I can offer ice cream and hugs to make it just a bit better?"

[niepokonany]

It wasn't that he didn't want to tell Fai, he wanted to say. He wanted to tell him every little thing that ever crossed his mind, from the profound to the inane, and share every part of it with him. It was just that he couldn't. But explaining it like that would have raised questions of why not, and if there was someone he could tell, and how would he have answered those?

Instead, he let himself be as honest as he felt he could safely be-- showed him the vulnerability no one else was allowed to see, as he leaned against his hand and curled up in his arms, seeking out warmth and comfort with no shame at all.

"It-- I just had kind of a bad day, kotku. That's all."

Fai always told him. When someone hurt him, or when he felt sad or lonely, he always told him, and knowing it stung at his conscience. It's not that I don't trust you, he tried to project through his body language.

[comparative_insanity]

Yes, Fai really did tell Feliks basically everything - everything that happened to him, that was. There were no fuck-ups too huge and no embarrassment so deep that talking to Feliks wouldn't instantly make it a little bit better. It was just what he always needed; the right amount of understanding, teasing, empathy and sass. He would never be judged, but he also knew that if he needed telling off for being kind of a shit, Feliks wouldn't hesitate to provide it. And so Fai never lied.

But oh, oh, Fai was good at presenting the truth the way he wanted it. He would leave out key elements - like whose name it was he accidentally moaned while having sex with someone else - and he would skew the telling slightly to leave out Feliks as much as possible in general. He would never tell Feliks of the motivation to his actions, or the thoughts left unsaid, or the thing he suspected drove him to make so many horrendous mistakes.

Fai said everything, and gave nothing away. He was a better liar, and a good liar knows that the best kind of lie is one that is mostly true. So how could he really blame Feliks for just being more honest about the things he lied about? Lying was natural, after all... right?

Now he allowed Feliks to curl in on himself, wrapping around him protectively as if that would allow him to take every hit for the other man for just a little while. He knew Feliks would rise again, stronger and braver each and every time, but that didn't mean that he didn't need a moment to be allowed to be weak like everyone else. "I can see that. Is there anyone I need to kill, or should I just focus on making you feel better?" A gentle joke, a reminder of that time when Feliks had been completely prepared to haul off and get into a fight with Lovi, but had dropped it instantly to be at Fai's side. But still with a core of truth in it, because anyone who made Feliks feel like this was someone Fai would like a private word with.

[niepokonany]

"Please," he sighed, fingers winding into Fai's shirt like a security blanket, trying to calm himself with the familiar scent of him, the laundry detergent he used and the brighter, prettier scents of soaps and perfumes, and the sharp, clean smell of the chemistry lab, and under it all, Fai. "Like I'd let anyone bring me down, babe. Who do you think is out there that I can't handle?"

Anyone didn't include Fai. He was special. An exception to everything.

Feeling exhausted already by the effort of... not lying, but not being truthful with Fai, he got them turned around and dragged him towards the little blanket nest that had already been prepared.

[comparative_insanity]

"I know you can handle anything, babe. But there's nothing wrong with getting a bit of help every now and again, even so."

Still, he won't try to push the issue or figure out more, even if he wonders if there really is someone he ought to at the very least slap. Instead he allows himself to be pulled along back to the bed, letting the blankets and pillows half swallow them both with a little sigh. After a moment he reaches for the ice cream and manages to maneuver a spoon sufficiently with just one hand that it comes back with a healthy chunk on it, half of which looks like it might be brownie.

He presses the tip of the spoon encouragingly against Feliks' lips, nuzzling his temple, because hand-feeding each other ice cream is definitely a platonic best friend thing to do. "So, how shall I go about making you feel better? You being sad is the worst thing in the world to me, you know that."

This is absolutely, 100% an icon I should be able to use with platonic best friends, boys :|

[niepokonany]

"I'm not sad, oh my god!" It doesn't quite come out believable, but coupled with a laugh, it at least manages to not be defensive. "God, babe, you worry too much."

He settles down against his shoulder, wondering how it came to be that he has a sweet, handsome guy curled up in his bed, completely focused on his happiness and feeding him ice cream (the kind with the brownies and cheesecake!) and it's kind of the worst torture. And that's normal in his life.

Ice cream is ice cream, though, and he needs ice cream. He nudges at the spoon for a moment, then engulfs it, chewing slowly so he doesn't have to talk for a little bit. Then he smiles up at Fai, trying to reassure him as he reaches for the other spoon. (The spoons, from an idle wisp of imagination, turn into pretty little things like you might find at a high-end tea shop, and the blankets and pillows take on a bit of an Arabian Nights-inspired sumptuousness).

"And you're here, so like, anything's good!"